In order to continue to grow, the CrossFit Games needs an enemy. Here’s why…
Tell me how many times you’ve heard this while watching the CrossFit Games or Regionals:
Ya know, that’s what makes CrossFit so great! Look at all these competitors coming over and cheering on the last person working out. Only in CrossFit do you see that kind of sportsmanship.
Barf.
I’m tired of everyone being so, dare I say, nice?
The CrossFit Games is a competition for BIG prize money that is only steadily increasing.
Rather than seeing people cheer for their fellow competitors, I want to see someone ‘accidentally’ throw their crossfit barbell in another lane.
Not really.
But it would be nice tosee someone use some nicely timed trash talk. Or just look like they want the other competitors to lose.
This, in my opinion will be the next step in what I like to call the“Evolution of the CrossFit Games.” Essentially, there’s been two types of CrossFit Games. Before Froning and After Froning. You could think of these as BF and AF.
Before Rich Froning and After Rich Froning
Before Rich Froning Jr. entered the competitive arena of CrossFit, CrossFit for the most part was all about a good workout. Sure, people competed, but it was mainly about pushing yourself to the limit.
It was this underground training revolutionthat did the opposite of everybody else in globo gyms.
There was a camaraderie, everybody pretty much knew everybody, and it really did seem like a cult (because it was.)
Then the CrossFit Games came along in 2007. This was mainly an event for a bunch of buddies to get together, drink some beer (not paleo,) and have a fun and friendly competition.
Fast forward a few years to 2010 and the CrossFit Games explodes into the Home Depot Center and Rich Froning explodes onto the scene narrowly missing first place because he didn’t know how to properly climb a rope. This gave birth to the most underappreciated champion in the CrossFit Games, Graham Holmberg, a man who certainly could have been a great CrossFit Games enemy. BUT instead is just a really nice, family guy who posts videos of his son working out that my wife loves. Ugh.
Okay, enough cuteness.
Rich Froning went on to win the 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014 CrossFit Games and with the increase in his popularity, so went the rapid growth of the empire known as CrossFit HQ.
See this chart for visual explanation:
So, as you can see, CrossFit and Rich Froning kind of go hand in hand. However, there’s a limit to how much a single athlete can propel a sport.
In the NHL, it was Wayne Gretzky who brought hockey to the Southern States of the US. In the NBA, Michael Jordan exploded the popularity of the game.
In CrossFit, Rich Froning has pushed the sport and affiliate growth to new levels.
However, this in my opinion will begin to stall. UNLESS…
An Enemy Takes Center Stage at the CrossFit Games
First off, I want to say I enjoy sportsmanship. It’s great to see competitors help each other, however sometimes you just want to see some drama. You want somebody to look like they care more about winning than being seen as the “nice” guy.
But, why the need for an enemy?
The CrossFit Gameshas been on a direct trajectory towards stardom and as I’ve illustrated, a lot of that has been due to Rich Froning’s success.
In order to continue on the path that CrossFit HQ would like to go, they’re going to need something injected into the CrossFit Games, and no not steroids.
In my opinion, the prescription that CrossFit needs is a large dose of Haterade (not Gatorade, that’s bad for you and unethical.)
When the Game of Frones began to dominate everything in his path, we all rallied with him. You couldn’t not like the guy. He was a humble country boy who just put in more work than anyone else and combined it with raw talent.
The CrossFit community needs something to rally around again, and the perfect target is for a CrossFit Games athlete that EVERYONE HATES.
I initially thought this came in the form of Noah Ohlsen. Every time I went online and saw comments relating to Noah, they were almost all negative. People didn’t like his attitude, they thought he was full of himself and just a spoiled kid who lived on Instagram. I would imagine that Noah took a hint and since has become a respectable member of the CrossFit community. Meh.
Traits of the Ideal CrossFit Games Enemy
1. Super Talented
The first trait of our frankenstein CrossFit Games Enemy is he/she must be super talented.
So talented in fact, that they don’t rely much on training hard, but rather solely on their talent. Similar to Allen “The Answer” Iverson.
For a male athlete their Clean and Jerk has to be near 400 lbs., Snatch in the low 300’s, and their Metcon times have to be fast! Dan Bailey fast.
2. Have a ‘Posse’
The CrossFit Games Enemy needs to have a crew of ‘Yes Men.’ Everywhere he goes there’s a bunch of dudes walking around with baggy clothes fetching his every need and videoing the whole thing.
His posse doesn’t have to be fit, but they have to be fly.
3. Great Marketer
The CrossFit Games Enemy needs to know how to market himself better than anyone else out there. Basically an Andrea Ager or Christmas Abbott on steroids.
Websites, Instagram, Facebook, Beme (shoutout to Casey Neistat), Youtube, Apparel, and anything else you can imagine.
The CrossFit Games Enemy needs to eat, sleep, and breathe attention. Their fuel should literally be the amount of Instagram likes they receive for each post.
4. Obnoxious Clothing and Hair-do
Basically strive to look like Brian “The Boz” Bosworth. Wait a second, there’s somebody who already kind of does that in the CrossFit community, Sam Dancer:
The only problem is Sam Dancer seems to be one of the nicest people on the planet and has essentially made it his mission to help the mentally and physically handicapped. Keep killing it Sam!
5. Annoying Nickname
You’ll notice that many of the enemies in other sports I’ve mentioned have annoying nicknames. This is on purpose.
The CrossFit Games Enemy needs to have the most obnoxious nickname, and every time he references himself as that nickname (because the CGE will talk in third person) it should make you cringe.
If you have any ideas for a great nickname, let me hear it in the comments.
6. Be a Nike Sponsored Athlete and then Start Their Own Shoe Company.
The final trait, is the athlete needs to be a Nike poster boy. All Nike everything.
Until, he decides to start his own shoe company because he’s an enemy and that’s just what enemies do.
The shoe company he starts must absolutely suck, but a lot of people will wear them. Think Shaq shoes or Starbury’s.
I could go on and on about the traits that must be present for the CrossFit Games Enemy, but I’ll leave it at these.
Now, I know what you’re all thinking…
We already have an enemy. His name is Dave Castro.
As much as people like to trash him on the interwebs, I don’t think he’s the enemy the CrossFit community needs or deserves.
There’s many CrossFit athletes that could make great enemies today.
The problem is they’re trying to be too nice.
But, if you’re a high level CrossFit athlete and you’re wondering how to join the ranks of the greatest sports enemies of all time, this is how you do it:
- Never compliment anyone. Ever.
- Every time you make a lift do some sort of bow or obnoxious gesture like Jon North.
- Move your barbell into other people’s lanes but make it look like an accident.
- Argue with the judges like Ryan Fischer.
- When you’re finished with your workout, just walk off the floor.
- Wear glasses every time you workout, even indoors. Also armbands, lots of armbands.
- Act like you don’t care, but secretly care more than anyone else.
Final Thoughts
It’s a large task to take on the hate of every CrossFitter in the world, but somebody has to do it.
In order for the growth of CrossFit to continue, somebody must take up this challenge. It’s our only hope.
